in a world of hustle and bustle, a place where people are perpetually on the search for the next best thing, is the practice of santosha even reachable anymore?
i've been considering this on my mat recently. when i was dealing with hardcore anxiety, i always had those thoughts... when i become less anxious i'll be happy. if i didn't have so much pressure i would be less stressed. if i could just reach this one work milestone or buy that one new thing i'll be completely satisfied. i found little solice in the present and was always focused on the future.
that search for satisfaction and happiness was neverending because once i got what i thought i needed, i was already on the lookout for the next best thing, or worse, i still found myself riddled with anxiety.
i started thinking about how my practice of santosha was shaken last year. i noticed that i had been falling into that same mindset i had when i was dealing with anxiety - if this than that. if i just get past this one horrible thing, everything will be better. if i can make it through this tough time, things will ease up. i came into 2014 with positive energy and was determined to make it a terrific year and truly release the resentments, mistakes and frustrations from the previous year.
than something happened. one little piece of my "perfect" puzzle wriggled out of place. nothing catastrophic, but enough to make me take notice. and i was ok with it. i meditated. i focused on breathing. i let it go and was content with this little hiccup. if this bump in the road happened last year, i think i would've exploded. so what changed?
it was then that i realized my mindset had changed. i created the focus on positivity, growth and persistence for 2014 and everything that happened this year was going to happen for me rather than to me. and i viewed this situation from that perspective. i was content with it. i was ok and i trusted the process. the storms bring the sunshine. uphill climbs lead to high peaks. and i realized i had found my practice of santosha again!
santosha is being ok with what happens. it's being grounded amidst chaos. it's going with the flow. it's being happy with the present moment. and for me, its trusting the process.
everyone practices this differently. some people focus on finding the joy in everything, others work through their feelings of dissatisfaction. i work on trusting the process and accepting the journey.
and that's some serious gratitude ;)